#YesAllWomen

September 17, 2015

Things kind of push my buttons. Especially when it comes to this.

I heard this phrase. Forcibly raped.

Or how about this one, unrapeable?

As for the first phrase. It’s all forcible. To say otherwise it to somehow blame the victim or say the victim somehow ‘wanted it’. And that belief is wrong. It is complete and utter bullshit. To say otherwise would be to perpetuate something that is inherently wrong with our society.

It is what those of us who have been molested, assaulted or violated sexually (boys and girls, men and women) refer to as the rape culture of our country.

What do I mean by that?

People think it’s funny to joke about being raped. Comedians will complain that the PC police is out to get them.

Let me take a second to say this now, I don’t believe rape culture is a political issue, I think it’s one of basic humanity and Human Rights. It reflects how we treat one another and see each other through the prism of one another’s life experiences.

Terms such as unrapeable imply there are people who are. It implies sex has anything to do with an act of sexual violence. Rape is about power and the men who feel like it’s alright to take it from women who have done absolutely nothing wrong.

There seems to be a culture of ‘she asked for it’ or ‘she made me do it’. Or it’s only true if the rapist admits to it.

That, my friend is rape culture.

I’m not saying men and boys are victimized as well. I can only speak to my experiences. Because I know they are. They experience these things to I’m sure. Please, don’t be afraid to reach out for help, man or woman, boy or girl.

Rape culture infinitely complicates things.

There are people who are supposed to be paragons of truth and justice. Cops. Marines. Parents. 

Extended family members. We see now even celebrities can hide their true selves behind a façade of all that is good in this world.

Making it difficult to admit to anyone, even your closest friends, what you have gone through.

Rape culture is only believing the victim after their rapist admits his guilt.

That in and of itself is damaging to the survivor who may have worked years with a therapist to get past what they have gone through.

Two of my rapists have since passed on. I have managed to forgive one of them. He wore the face of a family member and mentor as an artist. Does that mean I would want to break bread with him if he were still alive?

I struggle with that. I mean, as a writer and his discipline he influenced me a great deal. But in the end I was terrified of him. So as a rule I see him as a night time uncle and a day time uncle. I won’t reveal his name mostly because it would do nothing now other than harm my recovery. I know others were harmed by him but show no anger or remorse at his actions.

It troubles me that they do so, but often those most harmed by their rapist are their greatest protectors. 

This is part of rape culture.

I often wish these people wouldn’t do so, as it hurts me to hear them side with someone who was greatly troubled and monstrous at times. But until we learn the victims who struggle so valiantly to survive are truly heroic and need to be treated with TLC then perhaps we are doomed to be stuck with a society who blame the victim in these situations.

Until Next Time,

Amy